valentines day at the cafe of love….

dear riley poo,

this year im feeling very romantic, saucy and even border line frisky at the thought of valentines day at the cafe…but your mother said in these very words “are you &*%^$#^& stupid honey”. and she has a point (this time) the stress involved in the planning the night not to mention the fact that itll be your mother on the pass handling slips and pan frying natal snoek (local and line caught…dah) it could cause you to pop out early….and then im really in the poo cause if your are born on valentines day then we will never go on date night again.

so this year im treating the wife to…..drum roll……

ive got some mates who are members at the durban club so i get to go once a month and we play poker and drink fantatsic whiskey from those thick glasses, you know those heavy thick glasses that you see sean connery drinking out of in “the league of extraordinary gentlemen” (shame sean will be dead by the time you read this, he was cool but daniel craig was better as bond) we always play in the same room the “winston churchill” room and have to dress in full tux…i dont have a tux so i go in my full tartin kilt with my jiggly bits hanging free (very handy for bathroom breaks when you dont want to leave your poker chips un-attended for to long.)

soon as ive hidden some more money from your mom im going to apply for full memebership, ive bloody earned it i say old chap (see im already talking posh like).

6weeks riley, your going to love it out the womb, earth is so kiff. just today i met this full grown chicken and sure i dont support his cause but i love his attitude. your mother gets so embarrassed at taking the photos but i know you wont be…shit are we going to terrorise her together.

he smelt like a dead horse


juddy-cant-spell-too well-honey-bunch-poo


5 Comments on “valentines day at the cafe of love….”

  1. funnier than eddie izzard you !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  2. michele says:


  3. Zelda says:

    not only will YOU never go on date night again but poor riley-poo will have to be content with friends (even future boyfriends) buying her a last-minute and totally inadequate hospice-rose or teddy bear on her birthday from the annoying lady-with-the-basket ( the one who appears at EVERY restaurant in Durban at least once a night and is bound to be lurking on V-Day.) That’s assuming that riley-poo is able to even GET a table anywhere on Valentine’s Day; and if she does; if she’s willing to pay R250 per person more for a glass of tepid JC le Roux and a squishy Lindt chocolate and another cellophane-wrapped red rose, tied with a piece of gift ribbon that’s been made to go curly by running it along the backside of the scissors’ blade. Don’t do it to her!!

  4. judd says:

    thanx Gail…im on it.

  5. Gail says:

    Hi Judd. I was born on 14th Feb 51 years ago. NOT good having a birthday on Valentines Day. Aim for 13th or 15th!! Love and good luck Gail