its like “charlies angels” in my kitchenPosted: January 31, 2012
dear riley coffee campbell (thats your name now little one),
sorry ive not written for some time now, but its not like you`re alive yet.
your mother is huge and im taking her out the kitchen from next month, it looks like she ate all the pies and the weight went straight to her tummy, the quack says she will still put on another 5cm of bump (i gotta see that). its fair to say she has been a real trooper, she has hiked in the berg, paddle on the seas and slogged away in the kitchen for 7months….ive seen women who cant even lift a finger from week one….but not your mother, she paid her dues and its time we put her out to pasture.
so your mother will start taking it easy and only coming in for two hours a day, and thats when she wakes up (im thinking noon). she will still over see the kitchen etc but weve promoted sarah-golden-apron-holloway to major larney chefette. a few months ago our french chef walked out with all our staff, i thought the cafe was in huge poo, but thanx to this young lady we got stonger…she was baptised in the cafes firey kitchens, and came out unburnt.
Then as luck would have it, just weeks after opening our bakery side to the kitchen some little chef named Dina, who just wants to bake walks in and says “you folks need me, ill start wednesday” and boom just like that we are a force for good and baked products everywhere, where ever there is injustice and fake croissants , you will find her.
ohh, and some more news…our friendly barber nevy poo just outgrew his shop at the back and had to spread his scissors and flown round the front of the shop to his new bigger spot…that bugger cuts more hair than terry scott, i reckon ill push his rent up to pay for your school fees.
and in his place opened a tattoo parlour….dusty and nicole own “iartink” nice couple but he is a bit odd. and they are off to a roaring start…they are working on a font for your name….might get your name tattoed somewhere, or maybe just a huge coffee bean on my back, too soon to tell.
your room is ready by the way…uber cool, your mother has gone all out, not even a single shade of pink anywhere. there is this huge wall sticker with a giraffe chatting to other kids, so kiff. we have 3 month supply of bio-degradable nappies made from bamboo, your pram is ready and the wheels have been oiled. i charged up the “angel ears” (its that walkie talkie thing so i can hear when you cry when im watching dstv) ive got eco shampoo, creams, powders etc…we are as ready as we can be….but im still shit scared, your birth is all i think about, actually shit scared doesnt cover it.
hope you are ok with your name, i know “coffee” is`nt a normal middle name, but if things go according to plan you will take over a coffee empire and it`ll all make sense. 7 more weeks little one and your out…parol, and the games begin.
tick tock little one