another letter from a customer…

dear you,

now its no secret that i love you all a hell`ve lot, i know smetimes its even seen by some as a ploy to get you in here and spending more (although we couldnt fit a smurf in here lately), but its true folks, we havent had a moody shit in here since that women said our toast wasnt toasted, remember her?? funny stuff….any who, i recieved an email from some one that i dont yet love and yet ive fallen in love with this person via email.

hows this email from a non-(yet soon to be) regular….


From: Ulrich
Date: 2011/03/15 01:22:42 PM
Subject: Menu you must

Dear Judd,

So I went to the corner café for the first time this Saturday.

Somewhere during breakfast my taste buds staged a coup, took control of my rational faculties and unconditionally demanded my immediate return to your establishment. Agreement was reached and as I was released from food induced reverie I suffered from the sincere regret that lunch was too soon, dinner was not served and re-opening would only be on Monday. I managed however to fit in a few bites of my wife’s lemon meringue which tasted like angel babies and stirred up further civil disobedience  in my gastronomical parts.

Unfortunately,  I find myself inconveniently living and working some distance from your establishment and although I would like to partake of your glorious fare every single day, this is alas not possible. (I am currently considering moving so if property comes up for sale nearby please let me know). In an attempt to at least feed my mind (if not my mouth) with imaginings of your food, I searched the net and found your blog. To my utter disappointment however I was unable to window-shop for my future meals as you do not list a menu.

I think as purveyors of my new-found obsession you should, nay must, provide some means for me to distant-view your menu, daily specials and other food related news. I am sure that many of your blogs are severely interesting but I sadly cannot eat them, fantasize about them, or quiet my mutinous innards with the promise of them. As far as I can tell your menu /specials changes often enough and I am sure that you will suffer some additional effort in updating menus on your blog. However, in return for your acquiescence  to this demand I promise to ritualistically log in every day to see what I might be missing or alternatively be able to look forward to. I am sure I will not be alone.

Yours sincerely,


PS. Searching for the café before finally making it this Saturday I couldn’t quite find easy / reliable info about your address or opening times either. This might also be a useful, if mundane, addition for first-timers.


March Lunch

its me again. now normally id write something lik that and pretend it was from someone else, and only the bad grammer would get my found out, not this time good folks not this time…this Ulrich person is real.

here is my reply.

Ulrich, (if that your real name)

this cafe on the corner is my pride and joy, my sun rises and sets with this place and to here you say something like that about my fathers retirement package makes me very happy indeed. id like to offer you breaky for two, on me. thats right china bean Champagne, welsh rabbit, benedict fresh squeezed juice…bru you can eat until you drop and its all for free.

welcome home bru and we know love you…alot.



8 Comments on “another letter from a customer…”

  1. michele says:

    awesome, if i write an appraising email can i also get something free?

  2. Paddy says:

    Judd I also smaak your chow, its very kiff Bru !

  3. villy vill check says:

    Me thinks that Judd needs to stop writing to himself and referring to himself in the third person…

    Just not ayoba…


  4. Ulrich says:

    Dear Ewok,

    I think the complete absense of the suffix “poo” in my letter might safely lead you to deduce my seperate personhood from master Campbell.

    Dear Craig,

    If you are the one and same IT Technician that will eventually update a menu to this blog, I give you my greatest thanks in advance. Also, I would like to express the urgency with which you should view this task as my very sanity might soon depend on it.

  5. Ewok says:

    Whatever. That spelling and grammar is just too damn good not to be fake. We’re onto you cambell.

  6. Alex Stuart Insurance Advisors cc says:

    Ulrich, you just made juddypoo the happiest man on this earth, i wish more people would leave good comments it motivates people to aspire to bigger and better things (imagine a choclate cake 2 ft tall and 4 ft wide with a endless cuppa coffee) “dreaming”. As a regular customer we take it for granted that we can get a awsome meal whenever we want so i suggest you move your arse close by so that you can partake in the delicious food and the nector of the gods being JUDD coffee. The only problem is that Corner cafe isnt open on a sunday but hey we cant always have our cake and eat it too. (although i have tried). JUDDYPOO we love you regards craig the finance guy/bouncer/handyman/IT technition/veggie man/security gaurd but most of all loyal customer. Ohand by the way my mouth still tingles from the spray of pepper spray this morning chasing that $%#^@*#($ who tried to pull off a robbery in my neighbourhood.