Santa writes back…

Dear Judd,

How dare you and your customers ask me such personal questions, this is the very reason we stay up here in the frozen north, not because we want our pee to freeze before it hits the snow but to stay away from very prying eyes.

You really want to know why we don’t have kids…well ill tell you, a few winters back Mrs Claus caught me in the shed with an elf, sure after a while she forgave me but she had already taken off my wedding tackle or “jingle bells” as you call it.

And for the stupid question on how we go to the toilet, well its simple the reindeer go outside and I go inside, but this year me and the reindeer are all going in your lounge.

Tell your customers not to be fooled by my chubby and cuddly exterior if they push me any harder I can snap, and I can call this whole “Christmas Thing” off, ive got more power than FIFA.

Have you got any idea how hard it is to get billions of presents down billions of chimneys in a 12 window, well its hard let me tell, and it puts heavy strain on Mrs Claus and I, not to mention the stress it puts on the reindeer, last year poor Rudolph burst a blood vessel in his nose, we didn’t even notice for hours.

Be careful what you wish for this year….


you're pushing me to the edge...


One Comment on “Santa writes back…”

  1. Fiona Clark says:

    Hey there Judd

    Please don’t piss Santa off I really want to get spoilt this year !!!!!!!!!!