I’m a crime statistic…Posted: November 30, 2010
Last night the dog barked diffearnatly. Normally its this loud deep bark, but last night it was a low growl/snarl/I’m going to eat your leg type bark. Apparantly cause I was asleep, my wife woke me screaming saying there is someone in the garden, I didn’t panic cause I didn’t even know where I was for the first few seconds (one minute your dreaming of Tahiti and the next your’re running around in the nude fighting crime).
I ran out the room and saw a man in the back yard running around the side of the house (my wife had already scared the daylights out of him and he was heading home). So in my infinite wisdom I ran, with my jiggly bits flapping around, to the front of the house, but alas he had scaled the wall and was gone like a rat out of an aquaduct.
We calmed down and the heart eventually slowed to a pace where we could talk about what happened. (but I stayed in the nude)
The wife had seen him trying to get into the kitchen window and he knocked over a pot plant (luckily it was an exotic plant). On closer inspection we realized that the space between the burglar bars was bigger than we thought, even I could get in.
After half an hour we jumped back into bed, and as we did the dog growled again, sure not I thought, as I peaked out the window (still in my birthday suit) I saw the bugger trying to get over the fence…he hadnt left, he had been hiding under a bush by the wall. We then pushed the alarm and started shouting at him from the safety of the house, I said things like “die monkey boy die” and “run away you scared little poo poo pants” he aint aint coming back, those kindve taunts can scare you for life.
So I’m going to get my paint ball gun serviced today so I can shoot robbers in the temple with a solid piece of rubber and pepper bullets (I know it aint Eco friendly, but ive done my bit for the planet).