A stupid lady walks into a cafe, and the waiter says “oh my hat”

dear diary,

yesterday was great until this lady came in all negative and such. when youve failed matric and have been forced to waiter for 17years cause no-one wants you, you pic up certain skills. i cant balance a cheque book or tune in a t.v. but i can spot a problem customer from 30 paces.

so picture it, 3pm monday arvie, cafe is in full swing. a few cute students scattered around eating into my wi fi, the lovey dovey couple who cant leave each other alone and the ever present book worm (every cafe has one). in walks this american, you can tell she is american before she speaks, they have this americanism thing about them. genrally i like americans they are happy people who tip well….genrally. anywho so this lady walks in with her lip on the ground, sits down and looks around as if she has been waiting for days. i walk over.

“Afternoon maam, can i get you drink” i say as i hand her a menu.

“no, im in a hurry, can i get a decaff skinny cappacino, it must be skinny” ?????” with an ultra bad attitude like ive wronged her in another life. “please hurry im in a rush” she says in a high pitched american accent that could break a chapagne flute.

when the coffee arives she says “where is the sweetners?’ every part of me wants to say “in the cupboard where they live” but i slip away angry and return with her sweetners, no thank you or naything like that  just a huff like a dragon that has no more flames. im used to working for no thank you`s but this lady was the epitome of all things moody. then out of the blue she says thestupidiest thing ive ever heard from a low fat, sweetner induced coffee drinker, she asks for a double chocolate brownie.

i think some one who does this is only lying to themselves, what goes on in someones head that thinks having sweetner in there low fat coffee will help them lose weight even if they wash it down with a brownie.

but the thing that really got me was the fact that she just sat there after claiming to be in such a hurry, she stayed for over an hour hogging a four seater and reading the paper….why insist on speedy service if you are just going to sit there you silly little women.

ahhhhhh, i feel better, thanx for listening diary.


6 Comments on “A stupid lady walks into a cafe, and the waiter says “oh my hat””

  1. villy vill check says:

    Maybe she secretly wants you… you little furry crazy monkey…

  2. ewok says:

    Sounds like a STARBUCKS secret agent got through the defenses buddy. It’s a little known fact that the CIA CONTRA involvement in Columbia in the 80s wasn’t just about crack cocaine and communism. Coffee was actually at the core of all of their actions. Now the world is awash with undercover caffeine agents working for the cartels and franchises honing in on good little honest mom and pop corner shop spots like our number one cafe and undermining them by pissing on the good nature of the owners in a bid to battle freakin’ excellent coffee with bad brownie munching sweetner mainlining skinny cap chugging attitudes.

    And if you believe this horseshit then you deserve some more: what kind of a psychopath actually attempts to eat one of your brownies anyway? you gain weight just walking past them. Of course, when your as PHAT as me, what’s a little extra? See you tomorrow for some good old South African serve-ye-damn-self-and-appreciate-the-fact-that-you-even-have-a-coffee-shop-action…

    I think what i’m trying to say hear is, what i REALLY mean is (and this is from my little Rapper heart): F**K that B***H!!!

  3. melsy says:

    ughhhh… having waitored for waaay too long in my life as well, i know the feeling.. very annoying.. hoping that brownie goes straight to her hips and butt and stay there forever!

  4. judd says:

    thanx for the emotional support dear friends. good will triumph over evil…bruce wayne

  5. Woody says:

    You musnt think you alone Judd. Its the same in the motor industry.
    Who in there right mind books there vehicle in for a major service and repairs the day before they’re leaving on holidays. Eish
    But more importantly is your spelling mistakes, I understand the whole not been eager enough to get a matric certificate, but you making us dudes without a matric look really bad. Have you seen Wilson’s spelling.
    Long live strong coffee,jam donuts, The Sharks, Fallout New Vegas and Corner Cafe

  6. Clint (that's clint with an 'n') says:

    Can you like to believe it!! You can be glad I don’t own the joint,would have slapped the bill on the table and told her I was in a hurry to close and she should leave……of course with a smile!!