God lives just over the road from Billy the Bums

Being the professional waiter that i am, i need some time off from time to time. Its what i call “special time’, Juddy poo time, to reflect and unwind. When your step sister becomes your first 1st cousin, well thats when i needed “special time” (that actually happened and that’s the simple side to my families freaky-ness).

Any-who, last Saturday after the crazy week and that red eye debacle, i decided to turn my phone off and go watch some rugby on my own some where quiet, Billy`s wasnt my first choice as its normally pumping but its close to my house so i drove past, three cars outside…perfect. I took my place at the end of the bar, ordered a huge castle lite draught and started to watch the build up to the springboks road to redemption, the bar was mine, an ex-girlfriend was working there and apart from the odd chat to her (she was looking fantastic, but i was here for the game and solitude).

10mins before kick off a hens party arrived, they were loud & drunk but smelt super. All dressed up as angels with little halo`s. I was angry but it was too late to go elsewhere as the game was about to start, so i watched the kick off through a sea of bobbing halo`s. then the bride asked if i would take a few photos, that folks was the end of my night, i hadnt taken the first photo when yet another hens party walked in, the “hockey team” all in cute little hockey outfits and the bride dressed as the ref, awesome outfits. When i started shouting “run habana you little shit” and realized it was the outsurrance advert i knew it was time to slow down on the booze, then the angels made me buy condoms from the bride so she would have money to buy drinks(it sounds odd now but made perfect sense at the time), i spent more money on condoms than Jagermiester & i had a few Jagermiesters don’t get me wrong. Then in walked the 3rd hens party “military girls” in tight little camouflaged kit(i would’ve gone into Vietnam with those girls) at one stage i had like 6 cameras on my arm just snapping away like some fashion photographer high on opium, gucci rush & dior (the older women had dior).

A whole lot more happened that night, and there was also a group that dressed up like the Flintstone family there was a Barney Rubble and a Wilmer Flintstone and even a dinosaur that couldve been the mother inlaw(touch and go), it was great night, i love my life.

The wife just laughed at my state when i got home, i asked if i could explain the 40 condoms in the morning. I passed out shortly afterwards and woke up to the perfect sunday it was sunny and nice small waves for me to start my surfing again. I only caught one worthy of a mention it was nearly 40cm high and i rode it damn hard, i rode it to the beach and heard the cheers from jealous onlookers. My lifes perfect…

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One Comment on “God lives just over the road from Billy the Bums”

  1. Jonty says:

    Lovely story, truly heart felt stuff, L’Shana Tova and all the best to you and yours for the fast and have a great New year, keep up, the well, writing of course!